Friends we are so excited for our brand new podcast. We’ve been dreaming of doing one since we launched our brand, but the timing wasn’t right. You can check out our teaser episode below, where we share a little more about us, and why we wanted to start a podcast.
Our official launch date is next week, March 5th. We hope you will follow along!!!
Friends, I'm so excited, not because it's Monday, but because we've entered a new season in our home, and who doesn't love new seasons right?!? My big girls started summer camp today, which means for the first time in 10yrs of doing the mom thing, I'm excited to have some dedicated work, and me time. I'm hoping to meditate/pray more, actually start a workout regimen, and plan how we want to continue to grow our business and platform.
To be honest, past week was an extremely hard one for us as we are navigating treatment for our daughter who is going through a mental health journey. I felt so helpless, and unsure of how to help her. There's been lots of tears, and heartache but today friends, I woke up inspired, encouraged, and ready to just fight this good fight. To show up, and love on her the best I know how.
Today was also a big day for me, as I was interviewed on a podcast called: The Dreamers and Doer Podcast hosted by Breeane Johnson. This is now my 2nd interview, and while I'm very much a total newbie to this thing called "podcasting," I'm honored to share my story, and to see how God is taking ALL that was meant for bad and using it for His good.
I've always wrestled with the lies that I'm not a speaker or a writer, but God keeps showing me glimpses of how he wants to bring light to the world with my story. And let me be completely honest, that scares me a ton. I wonder how He could use me, someone use struggles to get my words out, stumbles over my words, and more. But out of obedience, I'm choosing to put myself out there. To try, to mess up along the way, and to stand up when I fall, and try again. Friends, I want to be faithful in the small. I want to know that in "my small," I allowed myself the opportunity to grow, gain confidence in myself, and so much more.
So, I end with this....how can you start with the small? In what ways can you say yes to God? What's He been asking you to do, but haven't because of fear, scarcity, or feeling unequipped. I pray that this week, you would take one small step toward that thing He's asking of you!
Well friends, that's it for today! Until next time, may you be wrecked by the love of our Heavenly Father. May you know just how special you are, and how He longs to speak and share all the dreams He has for you!
Love,
Jasmine
Creating a safe home as been one of our unspoken priorities. It's often said that when you grow up you either perpetuate what you learned, or you do the complete opposite of that. And well friends, Jeremy and I have chosen to be intentional in how we make our home safe for our girls. We long for them to know their voice matters, how they feel matters, and we care enough to talk about it! We are challenged with, "How we do help teach and mold our girls to be confident, and be grounded in their God created-identities?" Now, I'm not talking about being perfect little girls who go to church and follow rules to be loved by God. I'm talking about being ever so rooted in the truth of who they each are created to be, and to know who they are: which is loved, wanted, chosen, accepted and so much more!!! And trust me, we aren't perfect at this by any means. To be honest, it took DK turning 5 years old before we began to fully understand the gravity of our choices, and how we spoke to each other.
So, I wanted to share 5 ways we create safety and boundaries in our home.
I was bullied, picked on, and made fun of when I was little, by classmates, and by family members. So I admit, teasing is definitely a trigger for me. I don't like it, whether it's a joke or not. I don't want our girls to be raised in the toxicity of teasing, and for it to be excused as, "Oh, come on....it was a joke." So we have a rule where if we say or do something and one of us doesn't like it, we have the freedom to say, "I didn't like when you said (dot dot dot) or did this." Whoever the offender was, which does include us (mom and dad), apologizes, and asks for forgiveness. We don't excuse it with humor, say it was a joke, or say, "Come on, you need to learn how to take a joke."
Why do we do this?
To build confidence and courage within our girls to have the freedom to say "No, that wasn't okay," or to say, "What you said hurt my feelings, and I didn't like it." Now, I get in the real world, not everyone will apologize, or understand their feelings, but at the very least it's building up the confidence in them to have the courage to as least say it, and be heard, without it affecting their identities.
This one is huge!!! Jeremy and I don't compare our girls to each other, and we don't allow the girls to compare themselves to each other either. Comparing robs the beauty of who God created each of us to be and accomplish in this world. Learning to celebrate well takes real skill and time. So why not start when they are young?!?
Why do we do this?
Sibling rivalry is real, and it doesn't go away when we grew up. I believe it remains deep within ourselves. Instead, we are teaching our girls to celebrate one another. For example, a few years ago, DK had the opportunity to do some modeling. Savi said, "How come I didn't get to do it?" I had 2 options here: Either redirect her comment in a way that celebrates or let her feel and say whatever she wanted. That was a moment for me to teach them, and set a boundary in that we don't compare but rather celebrate. So I told Savi, "Instead, how can we share in the excitement of what DK experienced? Maybe we can say something like, "DK that's so cool that you got to model. Did you have fun?" or "DK, I love that you got to do something so fun like modeling. Tell me all about it."" And then you know what happened?!? A dialog between them opened up, and Savi got to celebrate along side DK in what she experienced. Then a few weeks later, our whole family was casted for a modeling gig, and Savi was the one to be in the spotlight. And now the same situation was reversed, and this time DK had to celebrate Savi, and Savi got to see that when we can truly celebrate someone else purely, an opportunity may just open up for her! I have so many more examples of this, but will have to share more later.
This one is incredibly true, especially with body image. We don't use words like "fat" in our vocabulary when describing ourselves or someone else. We also don't say things like "You look beautiful," or, "Be good."
Why do we do this?
We believe our words have power. It's with our words where we can either build-up or break down one another. What better way to show love, by building each other up. "You look beautiful" and "Be good," is deeply connected into their identities. I learned early on my girls greatest fears, and gained discernment that statements like these and more would greatly harm them. I'll be blogging more about this concept, but here's what I can say for now. Instead of saying, " You look beautiful, I say, "You are beautiful." And instead of saying, "Be good," I say, "Do your best."
Now when they miss the mark, we either redirect or walk through "asking for forgiveness" process. What do I mean by that? Well, lets say someone raised their voice out of frustration. I'll say, " I think there's a better say to say/ask that?" And then they have to ask their question in a way that shows love, not yelling, or being disrespectful. After they've been redirected, then are they walked through the asking for forgiveness process that I share more of below.
Why do we do this?
Sometimes our kids just need to be reminded of the boundaries we've set, and how we communicate with people we love. They are kids, so boundaries will get pushed and tested, especially as they get older, and want more of their own independence. My hope is that we've been consistent in how we treat each other, that even when they are older, that they can still be redirected, and understand that how they speak matters.
I didn't learn how to forgive well when I was younger. It was a process in which God had to walk me through lots of years ago. I was one who held onto records wrong like nobodies business. Learning to say the words, "I forgive you," was so hard for me. And I knew I wanted this cycle to not be continued in our home. Then 4 years ago at church we learned a great way to practice forgiveness.
The offender: Step 1. I'm sorry for..... Step 2. I was wrong. Step 3. Do/Will you forgive me?
The offended: Yes, I forgive you for..... (saying it's okay, or it's fine, is not an acceptable response for us)
And then I added a step. Step 4. Both the offended and offender have to hug it out. I even say that...."Now, hug it out." :)
Why we do this?
Learning to forgive well takes practice. And I quickly learned we can say we forgive someone but actually haven't. Sometimes our feelings need time to catch up with our words. So by having the offender and the offended hug it out, it helps the offended to let go of unforgiveness. There's such power with touch, like a hug. And it's in "how" our girls hug it out, where we can tell if they've truly forgiven or are harboring. Now I bet you are wondering, "Well, what if the offense was like really really bad?" Well, the offended, has the freedom and space to say, "I forgive you, I just need some time or space." The offended then can take a few minutes to cool off, meditate, etc. Then they have to go back to the offender, accept their apology, and then hug it out.
Well friends, there's so much more I could add, but I've made myself a promise that I won't write exceptionally long blogs.....haha! Which, I haven't been the best at with our personal blog posts.
I share all this in hopes to encourage and inspire you to create safety in your home. For you, you'll have to figure out your own why, and what matters to your family. For us, creating a safe space to share our full selves matters a ton to us, and our why is tied into our upbringings. Like I've said before, we aren't perfect at this thing called parenting, and boy do we miss the mark. But our kids have the freedom to share their feelings, and to be heard. We learn everyday how we can improve, and use our words to empower each other.
What are some ways you create safety in your home?!?
Until next time....
-Jasmine
A special note to any single parent reading this: Hey friends, it's Jasmine here. This is an extremely vulnerable post for me, but first I want to speak to every single parent who is reading this, please know that my heart is not to shame, or make you feel like your love is not enough, but rather give you some support in how you can start the conversation with your child(ren) about their feelings. Also know that I'm writing from a place in where my dad left our family before I was born. But this is for any single parent, where the dad, or mom has chosen to leave.
I've spent the majority of my life dissociated from what's happening around me, in other words, I wasn't fully present enjoying all that life had to bring. I didn't even become aware of this until I had my very first therapy session in May 2017. Let's call my therapist, "Judy." After Judy learned my story, and past history, she said, "Well, there is definitely PTSD, disassociation/depersonalization, and abandonment issues." If I was honest, I was shocked to hear about the abandonment as I had walked through a forgiveness journey with my dad when I was 17. You can learn more about that part of my story here. Needless to say, I thought I was healed from that part of my story.
As the months passed and we continued to meet, I quickly learned that in order to cope with my true feelings, I had disassociated. I coasted through my childhood and teenage years, just waiting to be an adult so I could move on with life, because the only way it would be good was by own means.
I'm now 34, and learning to "feel" has been extremely hard and vulnerable for me. I want to learn how to be connected with myself, so I can live the life I was intended to have. Most importantly, so I can also be the mom I long to be with my kids.
For all of these years, I thought I didn't need a dad, that I was fine, and my mom did an amazing job (which she did). But I've learned that not having my dad for the first half of my life greatly impacted my identity, and my world views. I'm now working on breaking so many mindsets and lies that I've believed to be true about myself. So my hope is to help you open the dialogue and help walk your child(ren) through a healing journey while they are young.
There are so many different stigmas when it comes to mental health, whether it be culturally, generational, etc. Or there's a sense of pride, that you got this, you can do this alone. But friend, you have the power to normalize what mental health is, by first recognizing it's not healthy to suppress your feelings. Now just because I'm recommending it doesn't mean you are ready to start therapy and that's okay. There also isn't a one size fits all with therapy. There are so many different types of that you can do, but only begin therapy if you want to for yourself. It has to be your choice and decision. When you are ready to start going to therapy, it begins to normalize it for your kids. It's so beneficial to begin walking through your own hurt, and feelings first. The more healed you can become, the more you can help your kid(s) walk through a healing journey. Kids are very smart, and they understand the world in a different way that as parents we could never understand. So to bring in an outside perspective in with someone who is a professional could be very helpful in bringing healing to your child's feelings.
Now I get this is hard! I don't know what led to you to becoming a single parent. But if it was divorce/seperation, then when the kids are old enough to process what it means to not have a parent living with them, begin to open the dialogue. Help them to connect with themselves. This isn't about who's the better parent. Who is right or wrong. Or even how you sacrificed everything to provide for them. This is about a piece of their identity being confused and missing. Now I'm not saying go into detail about what happened, but rather ask them questions like "How does it feel to not see daddy/mommy as much as you'd like to?" or "How's your heart feeling today?" It will them to be connected and present with their feelings.
Tell them how much they are loved, wanted, accepted, created with purpose and a destiny. Begin to make it a habit to flood them with truths. Abandonment has a way of changing how the brain processes and thinks. It changes their worldview on life and experiences.
This is even harder than number 1, but know that their feelings aren't about you. In reality it's about how a piece of them is missing and they are trying to understand what it all means. Instead, validate their feelings, do your best to listen, and not fix. Also comparison is so destructive. So saying things like "But, you have me", won't ever take away the void they may feel. Which is why walking through your own healing journey is so important.
I get it, you have to work and provide, especially since you live on one income, but try everything you can to not let work consume you to where all you do is work. Because a story will be written: "That everyone I love doesn't really love me." Be intentional in creating time to be fully present with your kids. Whether it be on Saturdays, or in the evenings after school. Just do your best to give them your full undivided attention. Ask them about their day, etc. Play with them, laugh with them. Don't let the need of money take away from having intentional quality time.
Parents this is so hard, but you need time for yourself. You need some time to reset, focus on your own health/well being. Find something that rejuvenates you. Whether it be exercising, dancing, art, or something that brings you life. Just whatever it is, allow yourself to have fun with it, and be fully present in it. Your to-do list can be put off to the side for a few hours. Because a healthy mommy/daddy makes for a happy home.