AM I LATINA ENOUGH?!?

Photo: Ed and Aileen Photography

Friends, it's finally here. I've been wanting to do a campaign that celebrates being a Latina for Click For Hope for a long time.

Why?!? Well for lots of reasons.

Growing up I personally struggled with being Puerto Rican and Mexican. Comment after comment, I wrestled with my cultural identity. I couldn't quite figure out where I fit in the world. Since I'm not fluent in Spanish, I wasn't fully accepted by my Latino community...I'd hear comments like, "You're so white," or "You speak like a Gringa." And then I found I didn't quite fit in with the my white friends as I was too tan, with brown hair, and a funny accent. I could go on and on with the comments, but that's not the point of this post.

A few years ago, God walked me through a journey of finding pride within myself, and my culture. I share that part of my story HERE. God has been healing me by uprooting every single lie that I've believed about myself, and planting me with so much truth.

So I thought how amazing could it be to put a campaign together featuring as many latinas as possible on my blog along with their stories: the good, the hard, and fun parts. And so friends starting tomorrow at 8pm, I will be showcasing a new lady for you to meet, and to read her story.

My hope through this campaign is to help bring an awareness to just how diverse we are, and we can't be put in a box. While the words "Latina" and "Hispanic" are man made words that come with assumptions and stereotypes, we are so much more than that. We have a lot of offer, and in fact our voices matter!

I hope you are inspired by these stories! I hope you are open to asking yourself if their are any biases, stereotypes, assumptions, within yourself that need to be surrendered. I hope you can see us through a different lens, than what you were told, or assumed.

So friends, follow along with me these next 30 days, and read the stories of these ladies who share themselves so beautifully!!!

CLICK FOR HOPE | I NEEDED A LIVER TRANSPLANT

What is your story?

In the late 1990's my twin sister and I were driving home on a summer day, and out of no where a car came across the street, hit us on my side, nearly pushing us across 4 lanes to oncoming traffic. My sister's knee was pinned and we had bruises and concussions. The police and firemen came and we were transported to the hospital. They ran a bunch of tests and x-rays. They found our platelets count to be very low so they referred us to a blood specialist. The blood specialist found we had blood issues and sent us for several different bone marrow biopsies to rule out any cancers. Those tests came out negative. They then told us it was maybe our liver, so we went to another doctor, and found out that our liver was very lumpy and showing signs of Cirrhosis. We never drank or did drugs, so we assumed it was genetic.

I soon got pregnant and it advanced my condition. I was having complications with my pregnancy and at 24 weeks I had an emergency c-section, and as they were taking him out, they noticed my liver was not normal. It was really lumpy. The doctors told me that I was lucky because both of us could've died.

In 2003, my aunt noticed I wasn't looking well and said, "Millie, you are not looking good. The Holy Spirit told me that you need to get checked out by a doctor." I went to Northwestern to see a general doctor and they ran some labs. They had me wait for the results. As we waited, a nurse came to tell me that I needed to be admitted because my bilirubin was very high and was showing liver issues. The doctors came to my room, and told me that I needed a liver transplant.  I was about to enter the end stage of liver failure so they began the testing process for a donor with friends and family but no one matched except my younger sister. She was only a part match and her liver was smaller than mine. My husband was tested and it turned out to be a perfect match.  He agreed and we began the process for surgery.

March 26, 2003 was our surgery date. After my surgery, the doctor said that as soon as they opened me up, my liver stopped functioning and it was shriveled and green. They also said that if I waited any longer, I would have died. As I was recovering from the surgery, I got a blood infection, so they gave me antibiotics. I began to have pain, and they decided to do an ultrasound on my liver. The results showed I had a huge clot in the hepatic artery leading to the liver. The blood supply was cut off, so the transplanted liver wasn't receiving blood and as a result was dying. I needed to have another surgery, after we got the news. The doctor told me, "Don't give up! I need you to stay strong with me, I will get you through this." My mom and began to cry, but, I heard a voice in my ear that said not to worry, I would be fine.

I was in the hospital for a while due to high fevers from the infection. They decided to release me and send me home with a home healthcare nurse to give me my medicine through an IV. I was also sent home with a pager to notify me when a donor liver was available. I was paged several times, but they weren't a match. Then June 14, 2003, I was paged that another liver came in and it was a match. We went to the hospital and waited with several of my family members in my room before the surgery. When it was time they came and took me for surgery. It took longer then expected and it was on a Saturday. They never do surgeries on the weekend, I knew God was in control of the whole thing. He provided the cadaver donor for me in which I found out later she was Christian and had died in a car accident.

My mother was very worried because the surgery was taking longer than expected and she noticed the doctors kept coming in and out of the procedure room. The doctor came out and told my mom that my pressure went down and my heart stopped. I was so swollen that they needed to leave me open and wait until the swelling went down to close me up. My mom was so upset that my aunt said that they needed to pray for God to turn it all around. After they prayed, my pressure went up, my heart started again and they were able to close me up.

My recovery was long, hard, and painful but I never gave up hope. I kept reading God's word praying and worshiping Him. It's what got me and my family made through this difficult time. I give God all glory for being our strength during it all. I have been doing well but a few issues have come up, that have the doctors keeping an eye on me. Since I have been on my anti-rejection meds for a really long time, they can affect my kidney function. So they are constantly running blood test to keep a watch on them. I have been living day by day following my doctors instructions. With any signs of pain, bleeding, or bruising I notify my doctors and get my labs done. I take my medicine as instructed. Through it all, I try to live my life as normal as possible. My faith in Jesus has kept me strong. I use my oxygen everyday, and am waiting for my next evaluation from the respiratory therapist. It is helping to make my lung stronger, but I'm hoping they can take me off of the oxygen soon.

How has your story shaped who you are today?:

It has made a strong person both in character and in faith. I know God saved me from the brink of death more than once. I am so very grateful to Him, my family, friends, and church for their support.

What compelled you to share your story with us?:

I believe people need to know I am a true living Miracle of God, and that miracles do exist in these days. God is REAL!!

What encouraging words would you give to someone who shares a similar story?:

Keep a positive attitude and hold on strong to whatever your beliefs are. Have faith, believe, and trust it will give you strength.

CLICK FOR HOPE | They feared I had Spina Bifida.

What is your story?!?

Hi, my name is Katie and I am 20 years old. I was born with a birth defect called Spina Bifida. Spina Bifida is now known to be caused by a folic acid deficiency during pregnancy. There are two main forms of Spina Bifida. One develops in the first four weeks of pregnancy and the other between seventeen and twenty-one weeks. Most doctors do test for this while the mother is pregnant however, my mother's test came back negative. Although, she tells me it would not have changed her mind on having me, she just would have been better prepared. The day my mom went into labor with me she also lost a good friend to complications of Spina Bifida whom was only twenty years old. He spent a lot of time at a children’s hospital in Chicago Illinois. My mom had a very normal and healthy pregnancy and never dreamed she would have nothing less than a healthy child. I was a natural childbirth with no pain medication or anything. My grandma was in the room when I was born by my mom’s side. I am told I was delivered and the doctor allowed my mom to hold me for a brief moment. Then they whisked me away to another room. Being a first-time mom she thought this was totally normal. Shortly, after doctors came in and told our family that I had a mole like tissue on my back and they suspected it was something more. They feared I had Spina Bifida.

They were informed that I would need to be taken to a hospital that specialized in children’s care. Due to my mom’s friends passing, at no fault of the hospitals, she choose to go to Riley Children’s Hospital in Indianapolis, Indiana. Three hours from our hometown. So at three days old I arrived at Riley. Doctors did many tests on me including an MRI. To perform the MRI, it was very important that I not move, so I had to be given oral sedation. My grandmother told me my mom was too scared to hold me and said, I was so limp, almost as if I was dead. So, until the doctors where ready to perform the MRI she held me.  The testing confirmed I indeed had Spina Bifida. However, mine was on the unusual side. That little mole they saw was actually a lipoma or fatty skin mass that had grown over the hole in my spine. This was both unusual but a blessing. You see this lipoma had actually stopped spinal fluid from leaking and going to my brain. It also is the reason all the prior testing had came back negative. I spent 256 days my first year in the hospital at Riley. I had my first surgery at 3 months old. It took doctors fourteen hours. The lipoma had grown to the size of a grapefruit, it had in layman’s terms spider-like legs of fatty tissue that came off of it and had grown around the bottom four vertebras, my pelvis, kidneys, and bladder. My pelvis had to be cut and removed in spots and refused back into my body.

My mom and grandma never left my side. Taking turns going back and forth to the local Ronald McDonald House to get a little sleep or a bite to eat. After surgery, I had to be placed on a board and could only be held completely straight or it could paralyze me. My mom would wrap her arms around me while I laid in the crib, but only my grandmother would hold me because of this fear.

Doctors felt my Spina Bifida was so severe that I probably would never walk. Well, I proved them all wrong. I walked at nine months old with the help of my service dog. He had a harness that I would hold on to and use like a walker. I never crawled like a normal child though. Due to muscle atrophy I was only able to crawl backwards. When I was five years old I wanted to be in a school-related play. This required me to crawl forwards. This was the 1st time I was finally able to do so.

Shortly, after I had returned to Riley for another MRI this one was rather emotional for my mom. Instead of being sedated I could now lay still enough to not need it. The nurse called my name to go back for the procedure and I told my mom, “I was a big girl now” and I could go alone. Now, I fall asleep during them.

Over the years I have developed other health issues due to my Spina Bifida. I have a neurogenetic bowel and bladder and my kidneys didn’t start growing until I was about eight. At the age of nine, I developed chronic migraines. I now receive Botox injections in my head, temples, and neck every eight weeks to help with this issue. I also tried the Daith piercing for migraines and I didn’t really notice a difference until I had my last surgery in June of 2017 and had to take out my earrings.  My freshman year of high school I developed an infection called Histoplasmosis. I ended up in the hospital for about a month. I had been coughing so badly that my rib cracked. It punctured my lung and it deflated on the left side. Now, I have only a half of a lung on that side. At 15 I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.

Due to health reasons I switched to being schooled online instead of a classroom setting. I was able to work extremely hard and catch up and graduate on time. I have also suffered from Chronic Sinusitis for a very long time as well as some other issues. I am currently on medical leave from college due to some health issues but dream of someday working with hearing impaired children and those with special needs.

I enjoy reading, music, and crafts. I love to snuggle with my emotional support pets Harley and Chewie. They are both Holland Lop Bunnies. As well as spoiling my dog Baxter and kitty Princess Pepper. I have recently started the hobby of swapping letters with pen-pals and other “spoonies” aka Chronic Ill people. I also have a love for LuLaRoe clothing. To date, I have had a total of 8 spine surgeries and a total of 19 surgeries in all. I am currently in physical therapy after cracking the rod that was placed in my spine last summer.

How has your story shaped who you are today?:

I know my story has made me who I am. Without it, I don't know what my life would be like. It has helped me become strong in ways others will never understand. It is the reason I want to teach children with special needs. It is why I want to give back to others. My story has made me who I am and will always be.

What encouraging words would you give to someone who shares a similar story?:

I would tell them that it's going to be hard at times, but you can't give up. You have to keep going because at the end of the day all you will remember is how strong you really are.

CLICK FOR HOPE | A NEW DIAGNOSIS

Please share your story:

Hi I’m Jamilla Yipp and I have suffered with many forms of chronic illness my entire life. One of my current ones started at the age of 9. I was on a track team. My mom had to take me out due to nightly pains that I had in my legs. Doctors would just say it was growing pains. My mom sent me to many doctors, and blood tests, trying to rule out the issue. The pains are severe, and crippling. To this day, I can’t be under direct cold air as it will trigger the pain. The sad things is I still don’t have an answer for what it is. The closest diagnosis I've received is Fibromyalgia but I didn’t have the trigger points which brings me back to square one of not really knowing what's causing the pain. Fast forward to my teenage years and I began to have crippling menstrual pain, which as a teenager my mom thought they were normal. At the age of 20, I learned they weren’t normal and that I in fact had endometriosis. I choose to have kids early due to knowing the reality of infertility with this, and thankfully the endometriosis would go into remission. However after my 4th child, it came back with a vengeance. Fast forward once again to last year, I have been recently diagnosed with Trigeminal Neuralgia nicknamed the suicide disease. Last year was tough as it took many hospitalizations and tests to get the medication right. I’m currently on epilepsy medication to control it and it works for now, but during the process they thought I had Multiple Sclerosis which turned out to be my high blood pressure triggering small strokes. So here I am, figuring out how to live with a new diagnosis while being a mom to 4, wife, and small business owner.

How has your story shaped who you are today?: It has made me stronger and appreciate the little things more. Each day I’m pain free is a day to cherish.

CLICK FOR HOPE | MY HEART STILL ACHES

Please share your story:

All my life I have struggled with issues related to my reproductive system. At age 25, I was diagnosed with infertility due to my overweight interfering with my hormone levels. To make a long story short, I have had 2 miscarriages (one of which was a set of twins), one stillborn at 23 weeks and a premature baby born at 27 weeks. I have gone through 2 sets of IVF treatments, a long period or ignoring my desire to be a mother and 2 natural pregnancies, one which I lost and one that I almost lost despite all efforts.

One thing I have learned during this long 12 year journey is that you cannot help but love your child. Women are scared to shared the wonderful news of a pregnancy before 12 weeks, as if somehow, losing your child before then has no impact. Then, most times women suffer in silence as to not disturb the comfort levels of others. I have learned that having a child doesn't minimize the pain of losing a child, whether at 23 weeks, 11 weeks or 8... as a matter of fact today completes a year since I lost my Alahna Maia... and even though I'm grateful for my Anayah, and her rolling over today, my heart still aches for the one I held for only a brief moment... my heart aches for her and my other 3 angels whom I didn't even get to see...

My Anayah spent 97 days in the hospital and every day was scarier than the first... as the days passed the more attached I became and the more frightening the idea of not being able to bring her home was. Her dad, usually quiet about these matters, even expressed to me, "The more time passes, the scarier it becomes."

How has your story shaped who you are today?:

A child makes his/her presence known almost immediately after conception. They make you feel sick, tired, emotional and ever so hungry. Then, as they grow, they stretch your body, they move and kick and even respond to your voice or a special song... I know my Alahna did! Just because she did not grow in the outside world, doesn't mean she will not be missed. She certainly left a deep imprint in our lives.

Now, and even more than ever, I am grateful for each new day and the little things that may be a bother sometimes: my baby crying all night, lack of sleep and trying to figure out why she is crying when I have done everything I could possibly do...those are blessings too; I get to hold Anayah and she is alive and expressing her needs... nothing tops that!

What compelled you to want to share your story with us?:

I want the mothers of little angels to know that contrary to what many may think, they are in fact mothers. I want them to know that there's no need to suffer in silence: someone is willing to listen. I also want to commend you because it takes immense strength to keep on living, smiling and putting on a brave face even when a whole lifetime of dreams came crumbling under you... I also want to share that prayer and worship were my refuge, and my strengthening force... He really is our comforter... seek HIM...

What encouraging words would you give to someone who shares a similar story?:

Do not lose hope... God answers... He can give you the desires of your heart, and as you wait, he can fill you with peace and joy. In the meantime, do not be afraid to feel. Acknowledge your loss. I can't stress enough that there is no need to go through this alone, nor should you.

CLICK FOR HOPE | WE HAVE BEEN RAISED BY A SINGLE MOM

For the majority of our lives we have been raised by a single mom. Our father, not being a consistent part in our lives, greatly impacted us, because we were not able to be raised by both parents as many others are. It created emotions that still affect us now. There’s a range of feelings that go on which we do not know how to handle. Our mom has taught us to turn to God to help us with those feelings and we believe that this will make us stronger in life. Our mom, though she has struggled, still manages to keep us in good schools, raise us with good values, and teaches us important life lessons that will help us succeed in the future. She has been a positive and encouraging role model to us and has shown that we can do anything in life. As time goes on it’s become a natural part of our lives to be raised by one parent. We are extremely grateful for all that our mom has done for us and she has done a great job raising us and setting us up to be strong, faithful women. We may not have a father present in our lives but our mom has filled that void and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

How has your story shaped who you are today?: We have learned to be strong, independent, faithful and determined young ladies.

What compelled you to want to share your story with us?: We want other other kids/teenagers to know that there is nothing wrong with being raised by a single parent.

What encouraging words would you give to someone who shares a similar story?: Being raised by a single parent is not as bad as you think and over time you will learn to appreciate all that he/she has done for you.

CLICK FOR HOPE | RAISING CHILDREN WITHOUT A FATHER

Please share your story:

When I was 24, my daugthers' father was shot and killed, I was devastated. I never imagined having to raise children without a father. God spoke to me and said that He was their father. I raised my daughters the best I could but it was hard and I had no support system and no time for tears. I had to deal with the pressure of being the mother and the father to them, and the thought of that was overwhelming. I was married 5 years later and had a son and another daughter. I wasn't really looking for love but someone to raise my children with, to give them what I thought would be best for them. I was afraid of loving someone again because of the hurt and pain I had endured. My now ex-husband touched one of my daughters inappropriately, which turned my world upside down, I had to deal with divorce, being a single mom again but now to four children. Two of whom, belong to a man who brought so much hate, anger and pain into my life. I couldn't understand why the unimaginable was happening. Through it all, I have four amazing children who I love dearly, who I have sacrificed, and given my heart to. I am so thankful to God and the community we found at church that prays with and for me.

How has your story shaped who you are today?:

It has made me stronger and wiser. I love me, I don't have to settle for less. I never knew how much fight I had in me. I love more, trust more and I have faith.

What compelled you to want to share your story with us?:

I feel that women stay with men that hurt them or their children because they don't think they can do it, but you can. God gives you the strength, and he will be with you every step of the way. I want them to know that they are loved. People like to sweep molestation under the rug but that kills the child. I encourage you to face your fears, there is joy on the other side.

What encouraging words would you give to someone who shares a similar story?:

Forgive yourself, embrace your children, get in community with people you can do life with. Make sure you take time to yourself each week, you can't help anyone if you're falling apart.

You can do this!!!!

CLICK FOR HOPE | BEING A MOM WAS MY LIFELONG DREAM

Please share your story.:

"You have cancer". Three words nobody ever wants to hear. Three words that changed everything for me in 2014, at the age of 33. Just when I felt as though my life was coming together, my world fell apart. In the days leading up to my diagnosis, when I already had a biopsy and was just waiting for the confirmation it was indeed cancer, I remember so clearly researching treatment for young women like me who get breast cancer. The surgeries, the chemo, radiation, the medications. And then, I read what felt like an immediate dagger to the heart. That chemo often destroys the fertility of young premenopausal women like myself. That the medication most take following treatment would cause birth defects if you were to get pregnant, and the recommendation would be to take that medicine for 10 years after chemo. I physically dropped the computer out of my hands. I was preparing myself to lose a breast. Lose my hair, my eyebrows and eyelashes. I was not prepared to lose my ability to be a mother. Some people just know that they are meant to be a parent someday, and I have always been one of those people. And now, I found myself facing the threat of infertility caused by cancer. A few days later, when my cancer was confirmed, the first words out of my mouth was, "but I haven't had kids yet." My surgeon recommended I talk to the oncologist about fertility preservation before starting chemo. 1 week later, I was in their office with my boyfriend talking about freezing embryos and having our blood drawn. In a normal, non-cancer world, women undergoing IVF take medications for a month prior to an egg retrieval. I had 1 week. That was my first miracle- my body responded well to the medications, and 8 eggs were saved; 5 were successfully fertilized and frozen in time until the day I would get permission from my oncologist to stop medications and try to have a baby. Two years of surgeries, chemo and radiation went by; those years were tough, and put a strain on me and my relationship with my boyfriend that our relationship could not withstand, and we separated when my treatments were over. Months went by that I would cry myself to sleep at night over all of the losses I had suffered in the past 2 years. So many losses. But nothing compared to the loss I was feeling about becoming a mother.

Fortunately for me, my ex agreed to sign the rights of the embryos over to me as they were my only remaining possibility of biological children. But choosing to use them would mean single motherhood. Was I prepared for that? Emotionally, physically, financially...? It was not a decision to be made in haste. I sought therapy, and had lengthy conversations with my parents, my sisters and my close friends. At the end of the day, it was clear to everyone- especially me- that my biggest regret would be to let life pass me by without attempting to be a mom. Being a mom was my lifelong dream. The odds were against me, and I knew that. The odds of a successful pregnancy using frozen embryos after cancer treatment is low- for my age, ~30%. But after everything I had been through I had to try. I underwent the transfer on Friday, January 13th. I went alone. I remember sitting in the office by myself thinking...well, if I am going to be a single parent, I need to get used to this. 2 weeks later I got the call. THE call. My blood levels were elevated, indicating that I was pregnant. I WAS PREGNANT! Only 2 weeks pregnant though, and I had a long way to go before I could ever feel "safe". I lived blood test to blood test, ultrasound to ultrasound, for weeks. For months. It wasn't until I was at least 20 weeks along that I finally felt it was really real. Being pregnant and single was harder than I imagined. I knew it would be difficult, but little things were hard. Like the exhaustion you feel throughout the first trimester. Walking my dog and making myself dinner were a challenge some days. And then there were the comments and questions I wasn't prepared to answer from strangers or people who didn't know "my story." Assumptions about "my husband", then me trying to figure out what to say, what not to say. It never got easier. I moved in to my parents house a few months before my due date, which was an incredible help as my pregnancy only got harder the closer I got to my due date. And on October 10th at 4:52pm, my miracle baby entered this world- healthy, beautiful and perfect.

I’ve only been a single mom for a few months now. There are times I look down at his sweet, angel face and shed some tears that he doesn’t have a dad. Times I feel guilty that I brought him in to the world without one. But then I have to remind myself is that truly, what he doesn’t have is a family defined by old societal norms. My son has a family. He has a mother who fought for her life first, so she could then fight for his and would do anything in the world for him. He has grandparents who adore him more than life itself, who have given up their house for him to live in and help raise him. He has aunts that left work the second they knew his mom was in labor to be there to hold her hand and witness his birth, and are here to snuggle him and love him and spoil him at every opportunity they have. He has an uncle and cousins who adore him. A great grandmother, great aunts and uncles, 2nd cousins, family friends…all who would drop everything to help him. He even has a fur brother, my rescue dog Riley (who is adjusting to having to share the spotlight). My son is loved. So very loved. Love makes a family.

How has your story shaped who you are today?:

I have always wanted to be a mom, as long as I can remember. In the few months that I have been blessed with that role, it has exceeded every expectation I have ever had. My son has filled my heart with more joy than I ever knew was possible. The road to being a mom was not easy, but as one of my favorite sayings goes, "anything worth having comes with trials worth withstanding".

What compelled you to want to share your story with us?:

I wanted to share my story for 2 reasons. One, to help encourage other young cancer patients to pursue fertility preservation. I was fortunate enough to be treated at a large, research hospital where it was an immediate option. But if it's not wherever you are, if you want to be a parent someday you should not have that taken from you when there are means to save that chance. The other reason I wanted to share my story was to encourage others to make the choice to be a single parent. Family looks different to everyone, and in my case, one mom with a gigantic extended family full of love. It's not easy, and comes with some heartaches and challenges. But the reward...oh the reward is better than you could ever imagine.

What encouraging words would you give to someone who shares a similar story?:

A few years ago, I was in a deep depression after nearly losing my life to cancer, then losing my boyfriend whom I had loved so dearly. And, I thought I had lost my ability to be a mom. There were days...many days...that I wanted to give up. That I felt hopeless. But I kept going. I got up every day and kept going. I just kept fighting and believing that things would get better. And they did. You have to keep believing even in the darkest of times. God comes through.

CLICK FOR HOPE | JACOB IS GOD'S DAILY MIRACLE FOR ME.

Please share your story:

My name is Jazzmine and I am a single parent to my son Jacob. I don’t like the stereotypes of a single mom, because there are so many negative connotations associated with the term “single mother”. I am a mother first and foremost to an amazing child who has Sturge-Weber Syndrome (SWS). SWS is a congenital, non-familiar disorder caused by the GNAQ gene mutation. It is characterized by a congenital facial birthmarks and neurological abnormalities. Other symptoms associated with SWS can include eye, endocrine and organ irregularities, as well as developmental disabilities. Each case of SWS is unique and exhibits the characterizing findings to varying degree. Jacob has SWS, facial Port Wine birthmark, seizures paralysis, glaucoma, developmental delays, murmur, Bicuspid aortic valve (BAV), and auditory processing disorder and sensory disorder. I claim my son’s healing in the name of Jesus.
I got pregnant early in my relationship with my son’s father. It seemed like from the moment I found out I was pregnant; everything in my life seemed to fall apart. I lost my house, I had to declare bankruptcy, I instantly became a step mom, “wife” and expectant mother all while everything I worked so hard for was lost. I fell into a depression and it just was not what I imagined becoming a mom should be.
When my son was born, he was born with a birthmark on his face. I had a very hard labor and the doctors thought that it might be a bruise caused from me sitting on him. My son truly is an amazing child because of what he endured during the labor. The umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck and his heart kept dropping. This was just the beginning of his challenging life.
Jacob had his first MRI at 10 days old. The results showed he had Port Wine Stain. At 6 weeks old he had his first surgery for pyloric stenosis, which means his stomach was not connected to his intestines. It was during the ultrasound that was done to confirm this in Jacob that I knew this was going to happen. At 7 weeks old Jacob had another MRI which was requested by Dermatology and Neurology. By this time, I had just returned to work and I received the call that changed mine and Jacobs’s life in a big way. He was diagnosed with SWS. My heart dropped; I was so devastated. I had so many questions and concerns running through my mind. I had no clue how I was going to handle a work-life balance. After looking up his condition I felt it was a life sentence with no chance for a normal life.

His first 3 years were very challenging. He had 7 pulsed dye laser surgeries done on his face to help remove the birthmark. Two sets of ear tubes (he had multiple ear infections), Adenoids and tonsils removed and he was hospitalized four times with seizures. He had to see various specialists including neurology, dermatology, ophthalmologist, otolaryngologist, gastrointestinal and cardiologist. At the same time, Jacob was also receiving various therapies such as occupational, physical, speech, and developmental therapy (eyes).
In March of 2011, my life took another turn when I was laid off. I took the opportunity to go back to school and get my Master’s degree. I completed this program in 10 months. However, those 10 months were not easy; my son was hospitalized twice for seizures and diagnosed with a heart murmur and Bicuspid Aortic Valve. To add to the challenges I was facing at that time, my son’s father also decided to move to Arizona to pursue his career. Again, I was heartbroken, I did not know how I was going to handle all of this alone. I had completely lost myself. I did not like the person I had become. In 2012, I made the decision to become a Christian. I knew I could not continue this journey without Jesus.
I finally landed a job in September 2012. I thought all my trials and tribulations were over. Boy, was I wrong. In April of 2013, the city of Chicago froze my bank account, my wages were garnished and my son’s dad was fighting me for custody. To make matters worse, in July 2013, my job did a massive lay off and I was one of them. In the middle of all this my son still had many doctors’ visits and weekly therapies. Even though I was going through all of these problems, I made a huge effort to make sure my son was not affected by any of it. My job as his mother was to provide him a stable and loving home. Jacob was and is still my motivation to wake up every morning and not crawl into a dark hole and forget about all my problems. I could honestly say that in the middle of my circumstances that the Lord gave me peace. He never left my side. In October 2013 the Lord blessed me with another job. Things were starting to look up. I had found a job that allowed me to have a work-life balance. The issues with the city and custody were resolved.
 

A few years went by and my life was great. I had an amazing relationship with Jesus, I had accepted that I was a single mom, and Jacobs’s health was stable. I had a work-life balance. On September 30, 2016, my life took a turn again. I was laid off by my employer. I knew God had a plan for me because I was at peace about it. I did not expect, nor was I ready for the news I was about to receive two months after my getting laid off. Due to Jacobs’s conditions he has to be examined every year. During one of the visits to his Ophthalmologist, Jacobs’s doctor that he was seeing for a few years now, he told me that he was moving to a different state and referred me to see another doctor. (Back in 2015 Jacob was diagnosed with elevated pressure in his eyes -liquid build. They were giving him drops to control the pressure). I went to see her in November 2016. She examined him and told me he had glaucoma and he needed surgery. I was shocked because I had just been at the previous doctor’s office a month ago; he never mentioned glaucoma.
The real journey came on December 14, 2016; it was surgery day. Jacobs’s dad and Godmother were at the hospital with me. We all received the news at the same time. Jacob had 80% optic nerve damage on the left eye and 70% optic nerve damage on the right side. His doctor told us we needed to prepare ourselves because he is going to go blind. My life came crumbling down. I could not stop crying. I remember driving Jacob home after the surgery and I was asking God if it is his will for Jacob to go blind please give me the strength and allow us to lead as normal life as possible.

The next day we went back to the doctor and we received the news that we had to go back into surgery. His eye was rejecting the tube-shunt they placed in. I was crushed. I had no idea how I was going to explain to my son we had to go back into surgery. They needed to remove the tube and allow scar tissue to grow on the plate. He had his third surgery on February 8, 2017. They were going to put the tube back in his eye. I remember this day like it was yesterday. My son made me so proud. They were about to take him into surgery and he told the lady that he was not ready yet because he had to pray. His prayer was “I am healed in the name of Jesus." We were all crying and everything was a success.

The surgery for the right eye was scheduled for March 2017. The day of surgery he was sick so they canceled the surgery. I started panicking. Remember, in December of 2016, he already had 70% optic nerve damage. It was becoming very difficult to control the pressure and every day that went by more optic nerve was being damaged. We finally got rescheduled for March 21, 2017. His doctor gave me the option of performing his surgery in parts or should we take the risk of putting the tube and hoping his eye won’t reject it. I told her to take the risk. We went to the doctor the next day, surely enough the eye was rejecting the tube. As I was in the doctor’s office with Jacob, I got a call that my mom was in the hospital. Again, I felt the world crumbling and I was torn between my mom and son. I wanted to be there for my mom, but my son needed me. At this point I knew I had to reach out to my praying community/friends to pray for Jacob, my mom and I. I was getting very weak and I was not sure how much more news I could endure. I just remember telling Jesus to please give me the strength to continue. I was praying over Jacob telling his body that he is healed.

We went back to the doctor, now for his fifth surgery. Jacob and I were extremely anxious. I had to explain to my son that the purpose of this surgery was to help him not to go blind. Only by the grace of God the tube in the right eye did not have to get removed. The doctor actually took the opportunity to fix both eyes. She kept telling me this is a miracle. Since both eyes were operated at the same time, we had to spend the night at the hospital. Jacob was not happy to wake up with both patches in his eyes. He was so upset. He kept telling me “Mami, why would you let them do this to me?” He was so miserable. He kept crying out to God to help him…that he needed him. We were discharged the next day. These surgeries have been very difficult for Jacob. He is scheduled for one more surgery in March 2018. He hates waking up from surgery with the patch on. He gets very upset with me because to him I allow this to happen. He dislikes it when I give him his eyes drops. (4 different drops, twice a day in both eyes. At one point it was 10 different drops per eye, twice a day.) When they finally took off his patches he was so emotional. He kept telling me “I just missed seeing you, Mami!”

My trials and tribulations did not end. Five surgeries later and going to the doctor almost every week for 6 months, my unemployment was finished and I prayed “Okay God all I have is you. I will trust you.” In June 2017, my previous employer called me back to help them temporarily. Little did I know my child support was stopped due to an error made by the state. God knows all things because if I would not have come back to my previous employer, I would not have had any income. I knew that God was there with my son and me the entire time. I have seen God’s hand move in my life. I have been praying for a career and was recently blessed with a new job opportunity. This is just the beginning of what God has in store for Jacob and me.
The reason why I share my story is because of the great lesson God taught me through it all. God blessed me with the greatest gift anyone could receive and that is being a mother to Jacob. In Hebrew his name means: Holder of the heel; sub planter; may God protect. Jacob has met all odds. He has endured and survived 16 surgeries all by the age of 8. He may have many of the traits and symptoms of a child with SWS, but he is the strongest, most courageous, amazing child I have ever known. He has taught me compassion, patience, sympathy, empathy and appreciation for the smallest things in life.

All my life, I have been very strong and independent, but now I can add to it faith filled and courageous because Jacob is God’s daily miracle for me. He is proof that God exists. I have worked hard for everything in my life from an early age. I believe I have set realistic goals, and have met most of them already. But you are never really prepared for those extras that hit you unexpectedly. You just go with the flow and hope for the best. I know that many women who are raising their children alone never planned it that way. I know I didn’t, but it happened just the same. One major thing I have realized is that, without faith in God, my family, and the support of great friends, I know I could not have made it this far. Everything I do is because God gives me strength and Jacob gives me purpose.

CLICK FOR HOPE | SEARCHING FOR MYSELF

Please share your story:

I’m an author, artist, dancer, cellist and mother. But I couldn’t say that so concisely eleven years ago…I only found and redefined myself in 2014. Before that, I was Octavia, the cellist, the French major, the world-traveler, Miss Michigan.
After college, I competed for Miss America and when I came home without the crown, I married my love and we moved to Chicago to begin our life together. We were surprised to become parents within our first year of marriage and panicked, suddenly desperate to do everything “right.” The shoulds we were both raised with were that good wholesome Christian families were homeowners in the suburbs with a dog and van. Check, check, check and check.
As we began to complete our American Dream checklist, I realized the more we checked-off, the bigger the void in my heart grew. My husband felt a strong calling to become a pastor of a small urban ministry center and I supported it wholeheartedly. I felt a strong calling too – whether corporate or academic, I felt I had so much more to give than birthing children, although that had become my life.
I went to graduate school. I dropped out of graduate school. I started a full-time job. We had another child. I quit the full-time job to be a full-time mom. But something was wrong. I wasn’t like those moms that are fulfilled being moms. They were so happy with their children, nestling securely in their roles as homemakers. Content. Placid. They LOVED being moms. I loved being a mom, too, but that wasn’t all. I couldn’t place my finger on it, but I was far from content. I was lonely and isolated. So I made up some friends; I started writing books.
While writing was my creative outlet, my scientific side was also understimulated and I wanted to have a career that provided more paycheck than risk. I felt called to healthcare and began my post-bac pre-med coursework. I was desperately searching for myself. I was depressed. I was hopeless. I was bored and unsatisfied. I wanted more than my suburban prison with really cute cell mates. I wanted friends. I needed a bigger purpose. I needed to contribute to the world outside of my home. I had drive. I had zeal. I had a full tank of gas but no GPS.
I was pregnant again. I started designing nonprofit youth programs and writing grants to fund them. I lost my third child. I was still taking my classes, teaching private cello lessons, working part-time coordinating a STEM grant at a community college, working part-time at the ministry center, running the grant programs I designed and wrote to fund, and then, yes: enter child number four.
We had our fourth child.

I finally got into the medical program for which I had been applying for years. And my husband and I came to a crossroads. He didn’t understand why I wasn’t satisfied. He didn’t understand why I wasn’t fulfilled making our home my career. We went to counseling. We tried going on dates. We tried getting to know each other again. And we realized the very hard and sad truth: I would never be the wife he wanted. He would never be the husband I wanted. He would never be satisfied with me being myself. I would never be satisfied with him being himself. So, now what do we do?
We got a divorce. I wonder if divorce is harder when neither one of you is the Bad Guy. I dropped out of school and feverishly took to finding my footing in a way that I could live in the city, near friends, and finally realize my larger-than-life dreams of serving others, writing books that are more paycheck than risk, and still being a creative and nerdy mom.
As my circle began to learn about my divorce I realized I was part of a secret sisterhood of silently suffering beauties – wives, unfulfilled by their relationships, and suffocated by the shoulds of motherhood. I began blogging to help myself and others navigate the treacherous and uncharted trails of unexpected emotional trauma. I called the blog Road to Relovery (roadtorelovery.com) and continue to write from my experience of being a single mom of three, trying to honor God and myself and my children with every decision I make.
Finally, here I am, three and a half years post-divorce, successfully co-parenting with my once-husband, successfully working in a career that is more paycheck than risk and uses both my writing skills and healthcare passions to serve one of the country’s leading children’s hospitals; and I’m about to release the first episode in my sci-fi fantasy series, The Hibouleans, with nine more episodes already written – and I’m working on my next biblical fiction novel, Hem. I’m proud of my journey, not only because I am being more true to myself, which helps me be a better mother to my boys, but also because I didn’t have to choose between God’s calling for me and the weight of the shoulds.

How has your story shaped who you are today?:

I am a better me -- author, artist, dancer, cellist and mother. My dreams are coming to life. I am flourishing. My children are thriving. And I feel like I've only taken the first step.
www.octaviareese.com

What compelled you to want to share your story with us?:

I have had a colorful reset to the adulthood chapters of my life and I know there are other moms out there that can benefit from knowing they are not alone.

What encouraging words would you give to someone who shares a similar story?:

Marriage: it is scary; it is NOT what anyone says. It takes work, no matter what. Your relationship does not define you; you define it and your partnership should serve BOTH of you, not one more than the other. Neither of you should need each other; rather you should want to be with each other and make the decision daily to honor each other and make your relationship work. And finally, whatever blessings and scars you each bring to your partnership from your childhoods, remember that you define your own culture for your family. You determine your traditions, your norms, and your boundaries.

Parenting: there is no manual to parenting, but you can't parent well when you aren't well yourself. If your goals, career, or relationship is detracting from your ability to be your best parent to your children, then that factor needs a reset and an adjustment. You can only be your best parent to your children when you are your best self. Take care of your kids by serving yourself, setting boundaries for yourself and your children, and by carving time for your own spiritual-mental-emotional health BEFORE you burn out! Be gentle with yourself and your children. Always lead with love and be the parent you wish you had when you were a child.

Dreams: a dream deferred isn't a dream denied (Langston Hughes), but don't martyr yourself in the name of fulfilling everyone elses expectations of you. It's OK if you're that mom or dad that isn't fulfilled by being a parent. I wasn’t. And it’s OK. When a tree grows a new branch, it doesn't cut the others off. Parenting is just one branch of the tree that is you, and all branches need nourishment and sunlight in order to bear beautiful fruit. You are a better parent when you are your best self and if your best self finds fulfillment outside the home, don't deprive yourself of that light -- and don't let anyone else tell you you're