CLICK FOR HOPE | I KNOW I'M DIFFERENT

What does being a Latina mean to you?:

I know I am different, being a Latina means embracing that difference.

Share a struggle you have faced being a Latina.:

I have struggled with not being as culturally connected to my heritage as other people. Only more recently have I embraced just being me.

Share something you love about being a Latina?:

The passion I feel and I see in other Latinos.

What do you identify as?

Mexican/Peruvian

Where you born in the states? If not, could you share what your experience has been being an immigrant, and the process of becoming a US citizen, resident, etc. (Share only what you are comfortable with):

Yes, in Chicago.

How have you been able to celebrate and honor your american nationality, while embracing your heritage and culture?:

I love the mix of people that I grew up with in Chicago. It is truly a melting pot. So while I love being an American, it feels special to be an American but have more to my background by having immigrant parents.

Do you speak Spanish?:

Yes, but broken.

Have you experienced colorism, or not being fully accepted by your community? Like you're too dark, or too white, etc. Please share anything you'd like to share!:

I never listened to Mexican music, watched Spanish TV or preferred Mexican foods, so I was always different while growing up. I was seen as trying to deny my Mexican background, but that’s just not how it was in my family.

Is there something else you'd like to say or add?:

I never understood the importance of being Latina until I had kids. Before then, I felt like it didn’t really matter. But now that I have kids, I can see that they are different and I want them to know and be proud of that. To embrace it in a way I didn’t understand while I was growing up.

CLICK FOR HOPE | WE HAVE BEEN RAISED BY A SINGLE MOM

For the majority of our lives we have been raised by a single mom. Our father, not being a consistent part in our lives, greatly impacted us, because we were not able to be raised by both parents as many others are. It created emotions that still affect us now. There’s a range of feelings that go on which we do not know how to handle. Our mom has taught us to turn to God to help us with those feelings and we believe that this will make us stronger in life. Our mom, though she has struggled, still manages to keep us in good schools, raise us with good values, and teaches us important life lessons that will help us succeed in the future. She has been a positive and encouraging role model to us and has shown that we can do anything in life. As time goes on it’s become a natural part of our lives to be raised by one parent. We are extremely grateful for all that our mom has done for us and she has done a great job raising us and setting us up to be strong, faithful women. We may not have a father present in our lives but our mom has filled that void and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

How has your story shaped who you are today?: We have learned to be strong, independent, faithful and determined young ladies.

What compelled you to want to share your story with us?: We want other other kids/teenagers to know that there is nothing wrong with being raised by a single parent.

What encouraging words would you give to someone who shares a similar story?: Being raised by a single parent is not as bad as you think and over time you will learn to appreciate all that he/she has done for you.

CLICK FOR HOPE | RAISING CHILDREN WITHOUT A FATHER

Please share your story:

When I was 24, my daugthers' father was shot and killed, I was devastated. I never imagined having to raise children without a father. God spoke to me and said that He was their father. I raised my daughters the best I could but it was hard and I had no support system and no time for tears. I had to deal with the pressure of being the mother and the father to them, and the thought of that was overwhelming. I was married 5 years later and had a son and another daughter. I wasn't really looking for love but someone to raise my children with, to give them what I thought would be best for them. I was afraid of loving someone again because of the hurt and pain I had endured. My now ex-husband touched one of my daughters inappropriately, which turned my world upside down, I had to deal with divorce, being a single mom again but now to four children. Two of whom, belong to a man who brought so much hate, anger and pain into my life. I couldn't understand why the unimaginable was happening. Through it all, I have four amazing children who I love dearly, who I have sacrificed, and given my heart to. I am so thankful to God and the community we found at church that prays with and for me.

How has your story shaped who you are today?:

It has made me stronger and wiser. I love me, I don't have to settle for less. I never knew how much fight I had in me. I love more, trust more and I have faith.

What compelled you to want to share your story with us?:

I feel that women stay with men that hurt them or their children because they don't think they can do it, but you can. God gives you the strength, and he will be with you every step of the way. I want them to know that they are loved. People like to sweep molestation under the rug but that kills the child. I encourage you to face your fears, there is joy on the other side.

What encouraging words would you give to someone who shares a similar story?:

Forgive yourself, embrace your children, get in community with people you can do life with. Make sure you take time to yourself each week, you can't help anyone if you're falling apart.

You can do this!!!!

CLICK FOR HOPE | SEARCHING FOR MYSELF

Please share your story:

I’m an author, artist, dancer, cellist and mother. But I couldn’t say that so concisely eleven years ago…I only found and redefined myself in 2014. Before that, I was Octavia, the cellist, the French major, the world-traveler, Miss Michigan.
After college, I competed for Miss America and when I came home without the crown, I married my love and we moved to Chicago to begin our life together. We were surprised to become parents within our first year of marriage and panicked, suddenly desperate to do everything “right.” The shoulds we were both raised with were that good wholesome Christian families were homeowners in the suburbs with a dog and van. Check, check, check and check.
As we began to complete our American Dream checklist, I realized the more we checked-off, the bigger the void in my heart grew. My husband felt a strong calling to become a pastor of a small urban ministry center and I supported it wholeheartedly. I felt a strong calling too – whether corporate or academic, I felt I had so much more to give than birthing children, although that had become my life.
I went to graduate school. I dropped out of graduate school. I started a full-time job. We had another child. I quit the full-time job to be a full-time mom. But something was wrong. I wasn’t like those moms that are fulfilled being moms. They were so happy with their children, nestling securely in their roles as homemakers. Content. Placid. They LOVED being moms. I loved being a mom, too, but that wasn’t all. I couldn’t place my finger on it, but I was far from content. I was lonely and isolated. So I made up some friends; I started writing books.
While writing was my creative outlet, my scientific side was also understimulated and I wanted to have a career that provided more paycheck than risk. I felt called to healthcare and began my post-bac pre-med coursework. I was desperately searching for myself. I was depressed. I was hopeless. I was bored and unsatisfied. I wanted more than my suburban prison with really cute cell mates. I wanted friends. I needed a bigger purpose. I needed to contribute to the world outside of my home. I had drive. I had zeal. I had a full tank of gas but no GPS.
I was pregnant again. I started designing nonprofit youth programs and writing grants to fund them. I lost my third child. I was still taking my classes, teaching private cello lessons, working part-time coordinating a STEM grant at a community college, working part-time at the ministry center, running the grant programs I designed and wrote to fund, and then, yes: enter child number four.
We had our fourth child.

I finally got into the medical program for which I had been applying for years. And my husband and I came to a crossroads. He didn’t understand why I wasn’t satisfied. He didn’t understand why I wasn’t fulfilled making our home my career. We went to counseling. We tried going on dates. We tried getting to know each other again. And we realized the very hard and sad truth: I would never be the wife he wanted. He would never be the husband I wanted. He would never be satisfied with me being myself. I would never be satisfied with him being himself. So, now what do we do?
We got a divorce. I wonder if divorce is harder when neither one of you is the Bad Guy. I dropped out of school and feverishly took to finding my footing in a way that I could live in the city, near friends, and finally realize my larger-than-life dreams of serving others, writing books that are more paycheck than risk, and still being a creative and nerdy mom.
As my circle began to learn about my divorce I realized I was part of a secret sisterhood of silently suffering beauties – wives, unfulfilled by their relationships, and suffocated by the shoulds of motherhood. I began blogging to help myself and others navigate the treacherous and uncharted trails of unexpected emotional trauma. I called the blog Road to Relovery (roadtorelovery.com) and continue to write from my experience of being a single mom of three, trying to honor God and myself and my children with every decision I make.
Finally, here I am, three and a half years post-divorce, successfully co-parenting with my once-husband, successfully working in a career that is more paycheck than risk and uses both my writing skills and healthcare passions to serve one of the country’s leading children’s hospitals; and I’m about to release the first episode in my sci-fi fantasy series, The Hibouleans, with nine more episodes already written – and I’m working on my next biblical fiction novel, Hem. I’m proud of my journey, not only because I am being more true to myself, which helps me be a better mother to my boys, but also because I didn’t have to choose between God’s calling for me and the weight of the shoulds.

How has your story shaped who you are today?:

I am a better me -- author, artist, dancer, cellist and mother. My dreams are coming to life. I am flourishing. My children are thriving. And I feel like I've only taken the first step.
www.octaviareese.com

What compelled you to want to share your story with us?:

I have had a colorful reset to the adulthood chapters of my life and I know there are other moms out there that can benefit from knowing they are not alone.

What encouraging words would you give to someone who shares a similar story?:

Marriage: it is scary; it is NOT what anyone says. It takes work, no matter what. Your relationship does not define you; you define it and your partnership should serve BOTH of you, not one more than the other. Neither of you should need each other; rather you should want to be with each other and make the decision daily to honor each other and make your relationship work. And finally, whatever blessings and scars you each bring to your partnership from your childhoods, remember that you define your own culture for your family. You determine your traditions, your norms, and your boundaries.

Parenting: there is no manual to parenting, but you can't parent well when you aren't well yourself. If your goals, career, or relationship is detracting from your ability to be your best parent to your children, then that factor needs a reset and an adjustment. You can only be your best parent to your children when you are your best self. Take care of your kids by serving yourself, setting boundaries for yourself and your children, and by carving time for your own spiritual-mental-emotional health BEFORE you burn out! Be gentle with yourself and your children. Always lead with love and be the parent you wish you had when you were a child.

Dreams: a dream deferred isn't a dream denied (Langston Hughes), but don't martyr yourself in the name of fulfilling everyone elses expectations of you. It's OK if you're that mom or dad that isn't fulfilled by being a parent. I wasn’t. And it’s OK. When a tree grows a new branch, it doesn't cut the others off. Parenting is just one branch of the tree that is you, and all branches need nourishment and sunlight in order to bear beautiful fruit. You are a better parent when you are your best self and if your best self finds fulfillment outside the home, don't deprive yourself of that light -- and don't let anyone else tell you you're