I turned 39 yesterday and if I’m honest the weeks leading up to it shook me at my core. To be that much closer to 40 brought so many feelings and thoughts. The loudest voice being: “I’m not where I thought I’d be by now.” As I let this voice simmer in my inner being, I heard another voice: “Well, where did you think you’d be?” Suddenly, my spiraling thoughts stopped. As I continue to sit with that curious question…I have no words. No words, because as I reflect, I have everything I could possibly think of. I have a home filled with people I deeply love and who deeply love me. I have a non profit that I get to lead as I partner with my neighbors. I get to make my living out of my creative expressions. I have amazing friendships, and so much more.
Maybe instead of saying, “I’m not where I thought I’d be at 39,” I can say, “I didn’t think my 30’s would be so hard.” Now that feels true. As I look back there’s been so many highs and so many lows. From losing my entire community of friends, to a pandemic, to my daughter being diagnosed with a chronic illness and more. But the more I reflect the more I see the good: I started my healing journey around my cultural identity, my story, and my beliefs around money. I built new friendships where mutuality was/is at the center. We bought a home within our means (if you don’t know we lost our first home in 2010). We became student loan and debt free. I’ve become a better mom and wife. So in all of the hard, I see the character building it did into shaping me to be who I am today as wife, mother, daughter, friend, and boss.
So, may we reframe how we talk to ourselves. Our accomplishments do not determine our identity or sense of worth. The world doesn’t get to tell us we aren’t enough. How much money we have in the bank doesn’t determine our level of success. Our success is determined by aligning our decisions in a way that brings us each joy and meaning. And friend, that looks different for everyone, which means we can find peace and rest through releasing the pressure to compare.
Until next time friend,
xoxo
Jasmine