WE HAVE A MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS

It's #mentalhealthawarenessmonth, and for me this is personal. I have witnessed and experienced mental illness in my family since I was a little girl. I too have walked through my own journey with being diagnosed with CPTSD along with depression/anxiety. My story, and the story of my loved ones is why I advocate. Why I care so deeply to destimgatize #mentalhealth in BIPOC communities.

When there's a 6+ month wait for medicaid patients to have access to behavioral health services....

We have a mental health crisis.

When there's an over year wait to be seen at a children's hospital for a psychiatric evaluation....

We have a mental health crisis.

When children are being sent to ER's and having to wait days in order to get services.

We have a mental health crisis.

When non profits are at full capacity with their case management due to little funds.

We have a mental health crisis.

When parents have to go through the system alone while advocating for their child.

We have a mental health crisis.

I'm not here to sit on the side lines! I will fight. I will advocate. And I will put my time, money, talent and resources into co-creating and identifying solutions as a way to partner with my neighbors and youth!!!

My desire is to create spaces for others to feel safe, connection and belonging! Because healing can be experienced in so many ways...not just talk therapy.

"They don't want him here!"

Several months ago, my husband and I went to Panera to have a day date. It’s during our day dates where we usually go to a coffee shop to have some tea and have deep intentional conversations around our dreams, marriage, and just overall life. On this particular day we were having a deep conversation that was soon interrupted by a man who introduced himself as an artist and musician. Boy was he full of high energy.

He shared about Youtube and all the opportunities it provides educationally, and then transitioned to sharing how there are millions of people in Chicago and yet we don’t SEE each other. He posed the question, “How can that be?” And then before I knew it, he sat at the table between us that allowed for us to make direct eye contact as he flowed between one deep topic to the next. One could say it felt random, but for me there was something God was doing, and trying to say in the midst of our new neighbor friend sharing his heart with us. As random as it felt, it actually wasn’t random.

“Hey, you need to leave,” words that echoed behind me as I was getting all the more engaged in our conversation. At this point he began to share his mental health journey with us, and how 2022 was a year of emotional growth for him. I had so many questions, but we were rudely interrupted by those in power, security guards. I turned to them and asked, “Does he have to leave? We were enjoying our conversation with him.” They uncompassionately responded with, “No, they don’t want him here.”

It was in that moment where I was overcome with so much frustration with how others can so quickly dismiss others, our neighbors plainly for being different, for not being neurotypical or having a home. I don’t know this man’s exact situation, but I could sense he was just looking for a friend, for someone to listen, but most of all someone who would SEE him, and not see what made him different from the “norm.”

Before he prepared to gather his things, I asked him his name. A taken a back a bit, he said, “Cameron.” To which I said: “Cameron, I SEE YOU.” He gave me a soft emotional smile and a fist bump, and then I asked if I can give him my silicone bracelet that said: Mental health Matters. Earlier in our conversation I noticed he was already wearing several other inspiring silicone bracelets. He excitedly grabbed it and said, “Yes, mental health matters.”

He grabbed his things as he fought for his dignity, and looks at the guards and says, “It’s okay I’m not mad at you, I still love you.” And then he looked at us and said, “Thank you, I know you love me.” as he looks at Jeremy’s hoodie that says LOVE THY NEIGHBOR.

The entire situation left us feeling unsettled. I sat in silence feeling like I didn’t do enough, thinking of what MORE could have looked like.

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MONEY TRUTHS

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How do we re-frame our thoughts and beliefs with money?

I love repeating money affirmations that encourage and uplift me to stay rooted in truth. It’s easy to get make comparisons or get lost in the injustices so many of us face, especially when it comes to economic justice. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to build generational wealth at the cost of my neighbor. I don’t want to invest my dollars in corporations who care more about profit than people. I don’t want to invest my dollars in the private prison system and so much more. I want to be a conscious wealth builder that centers our collective thriving.

HEALING FROM MONEY

I’ve always been curious about money even as a little girl, however growing up money wasn’t talked about often. What I knew about money was that it didn’t grow on trees, and the only way to get money was by working hard for it. I started working at the age of 14 making $7 an hour working 12 hr shifts on weekends during the summer, I’m pretty sure that was illegal. When I got paid I put it all in savings and didn’t spend a cent. I was praised for this behavior but looking back it was really rooted out of the fear of not making more and so I needed to hold onto it….scarcity has followed me ever since.

It wasn’t until I started confronting and uprooting the lies I believed about myself and money where I began to heal. I truly believe that our lived experiences deeply impacts how we see ourselves, the world, and money. I can’t say I’m fully healed, but I can say the growth I have had has been amazing. As we entered into 2023 with so much economic uncertainty all around us, it could be easy for me to spiral with my thought patterns, especially in the midst of yet another hard personal financial season. But this time it’s different than before. We have an emergency fund and we are living a fully abundant life in the midst of the numbers not adding up. Our needs are being met along with desires being sprinkled in-between. I call this creative provision. I can share more about that another day, because creative provision is a beautiful opportunity to sit and marvel in all the ways God provides without the actual exchange of physical dollars.

If you’re on a healing journey with money here’s some questions you can reflect on. But first know that stewarding money should be joyful, not filled with shame and fear. Tell shame and fear it doesn’t belong here as you begin to unpack your beliefs around money.

Step 1: When I think about money, how do I feel?

We all have had experiences with money that have impacted us. Take this time to unpack how money makes you feel? How does not having enough make you feel? Or how does having so much of it make you feel? etc.

For example:

  1. I feel depressed and sad when I think about money.

  2. I feel unworthy to have money.

  3. I feel I’m meant to struggle financially.

  4. I feel fulfilled and have control when I spend money however I want.

Step 2: What are the lies I believe about myself and money?

Be sure to take time to really DIG in. Do you believe you’ll never have enough? Do you believe that everyone around you is meant to succeed but you? Do you believe that money makes you feel good only when you spend, so you find yourself spending more than you actually have? Once you’ve uncovered the lies, the next step is to take time to write down the truths about yourself and money. Healing isn’t linear so take your time processing through this. You can google scripture or quotes on money for some inspiration.

For example (goes along with examples from above):

  1. Money is a tool, a resource where I get to make an impact with how I spend my money.

  2. I have buying power, it matters how I spend my money.

  3. The amount of money I have doesn’t determine my worth, value or identity.

  4. I am worthy of love and don’t need to spend money to feel or be accepted.

Step 3: Continue to dig deep, confront, and uproot.

Healing isn’t linear so I encourage you to keep unpacking, processing through your money beliefs. Pay attention to your spending habits and how it correlates to how your feeling. Or the stressors in your life and how it impacts you mentally.

So friend may you embark on a journey to build a healthy relationship to money!

Until next time,

Jasmine

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I'm not where I thought I'd be by now

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I turned 39 yesterday and if I’m honest the weeks leading up to it shook me at my core. To be that much closer to 40 brought so many feelings and thoughts. The loudest voice being: “I’m not where I thought I’d be by now.” As I let this voice simmer in my inner being, I heard another voice: “Well, where did you think you’d be?” Suddenly, my spiraling thoughts stopped. As I continue to sit with that curious question…I have no words. No words, because as I reflect, I have everything I could possibly think of. I have a home filled with people I deeply love and who deeply love me. I have a non profit that I get to lead as I partner with my neighbors. I get to make my living out of my creative expressions. I have amazing friendships, and so much more.

Maybe instead of saying, “I’m not where I thought I’d be at 39,” I can say, “I didn’t think my 30’s would be so hard.” Now that feels true. As I look back there’s been so many highs and so many lows. From losing my entire community of friends, to a pandemic, to my daughter being diagnosed with a chronic illness and more. But the more I reflect the more I see the good: I started my healing journey around my cultural identity, my story, and my beliefs around money. I built new friendships where mutuality was/is at the center. We bought a home within our means (if you don’t know we lost our first home in 2010). We became student loan and debt free. I’ve become a better mom and wife. So in all of the hard, I see the character building it did into shaping me to be who I am today as wife, mother, daughter, friend, and boss.

So, may we reframe how we talk to ourselves. Our accomplishments do not determine our identity or sense of worth. The world doesn’t get to tell us we aren’t enough. How much money we have in the bank doesn’t determine our level of success. Our success is determined by aligning our decisions in a way that brings us each joy and meaning. And friend, that looks different for everyone, which means we can find peace and rest through releasing the pressure to compare.

Until next time friend,

xoxo

Jasmine

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16 YEARS OF MARRIAGE

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Yall we just made 16 years of marriage and my husband surprised me with the most epic trip to Hawaii. I had no idea until our first flight landed in San Diego. I was half asleep and very discombobulated, but overcome with inner excitement and joy for a trip that I found out Jeremy had been secretly saving for over the last 2yrs….what what??? Talk about major husbae points. And then to top it off, on our actual anniversary he surprised me with an amazing experience to swim with the dolphins….overall I loved our time in Hawaii together. We got to experience so many amazing things we each love. Check out the photos Jeremy took throughout our trip below!

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THE UNSEEN HARD DAYS...

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I recently sent a DM to an IG friend and shared about the unseen hard days. As a parent of a child with a chronic illness there is much in our day where IG stories can not fully capture the struggles we face on the daily. When I’m asked how Dakota is doing, I often don’t know how to answer that question. How do I provide enough context while protecting my daughter’s right to privacy? How do I convey the real challenges she faces, where one can fully grasp that this is a forever thing, that one day could be good, and then the next day can be rough as heck? How transparent do I get, while protecting myself as I walk through a perpetual cycle of grief, and give myself permission to say, “I don’t want to talk about this today.”? How do I have faith in the midst of the continual unknowns?

Friends, all I can say is this is HARD. It’s COMPLEX, it’s NUANCED, and it sucks. But if you are like me, a parent, caregiver, family member to someone with chronic illness or a disability, I want to say I understand those unseen hard days. You my friend aren’t alone. There are so many of us walking through these moments, while not the same, we stand in solidarity together as we advocate for our loved ones. And with open arms, we welcome those who will cross over onto this side of being new diagnosed and when the overwhelm consume you, we will be here.

In the midst of those hard unseen days, may we acknowledge our grief, our new normal, and may we embrace what we can not change. But in it, beauty, fullness and purpose can be experienced and lived. Hope and joy can exude us as we navigate through the day to day.

So friend, when the next unseen hard day comes…. may we breathe, may we acknowledge, and may we feel all that we need to feel.

Until next time,

Jasmine

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IT'S BEEN A YEAR...

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It’s been a year since Dakota’s 3 week hospitalization that then led to major surgery. I’ll never forget this day. (photo in reel below). Dakota had just had a blood and a platelet transfusion and she was weak, tired, and fighting a for her life. Her body was so frail. As she slept on me, I cradled her, and heard the Lord say: “Declare that Dakota shall live and not die.” And soI prayed over her a fervent prayer. One of declaration and of promise. I asked Him to spare her, for her to live and not die.

Y’all watching your child suffer and not being able to do anything about it, does something to you as a parent. I’m learning I can’t control the outcome. All I can do is love her deep and well. I can listen, love and support her.

Where is she now??? We are still in so much unknown. She has some procedures that will hopefully provide some clarify as to why she’s still having complications, and help us be able to make the next best informed decision that will help her quality of life.

How can you pray?!?

Pray for the best next steps.

Pray that we can find a solution for her complications.

Pray for a restored mind. This condition deeply impacts one mental health too.